Happy people learn to cope

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

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I like today's happy person thingy!

Happy people develop healthy strategies for coping. I love this because it is a good thing while stating the truth that EVERYONE'S LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES!

Everyone's life sucks bad sometimes.

So, when you line up all these dang people who seem generally more happy, how the heck do they paint on those friggin' smiles even after a time when things suuuuuuuuuuck?

They have developed the ability to cope when the tough stuff smacks them in the face. I have developed this over years, but really got into a much better groove after walking through attachment therapy with my kids. When you sit and hear someone teaching your children how to cope while dealing with pain and trauma beyond the imaginations of most people, you find yourself with a choice. When your finances are in the crapper, and the guy at work has it out for you and your car just blew up ... you can use what your kids are being taught and expected to utilize, or you can wallow in it and get stuck.

Many times I thought, "Well, sure, this will work for them. But my stuff is different. I'm a grown up. Grown up problems. They are bigger. So - different."

If by "different" you mean "the same," then sure!

So, how exactly does one start to learn these magical ways of coping? You can start with a Google search for "coping strategies." Seriously. Right now. Open a new tab and do it. Start to read through what you find. There is something for everyone in there.

I think this also brings up another fascinating point. When I have been a very unhappy person, I found myself loathing happier people. Many times I thought, "They're just happy. It's easy for them. I HATE that!" In fact, it's quite the opposite. Those coping strategies you were just perusing require work. You have to think about it. You have to choose to utilize them or ignore what you've learned.

Happy people have worked their bums off to improve their outlook on life.

Hmmmm.

Kinda' helps shatter that misconception. It may also piss you off a little bit. It was easier for me to just be mad at happy people. I needed it to be easy for them and harder for me. I did not want to hear that I actually had control over the process. You mean, I have some responsibility in improving my outlook on life? Really? FRICK!

Look a that. A generally happy person just pissed you off again. Ah, the cycle continues.

So, say, "Screw you, cycle!" Write down three coping strategies that you feel like are a good fit for you (even if it includes throwing darts at a picture of me). Then try them. Every day. It can't hurt, and it just might help.

Make big choices early, and often

Amy Poehler on her early lessons of improvisation:

"I learned some rules that I still try to apply today:

* Listen.

* Say, "Yes."

* Live in the moment.

* Make sure you play with people that have your back.

* Make big choices early, and often.

* Don't start a scene where two people are talking about jumping out of a plane. Start the scene, having already jumped.

* If you're scared, look into your partner's eyes. You will feel better."

(photo by Jeff Hallam, used with permission)

I hate being therapeutic

Hate is a strong word.

And I hate being therapeutic.

I just recorded a DVD on therapeutic parenting, for Pete's sake. Look how positive and relaxed I look - as if I could do this in my sleep (or maybe I was just comforted by the "Welcome Back Kotter" look-alike on the powerpoint).



Right. Then I came home.

I'll be the first to say that being therapeutic with all kids works. It is respectful of their pain and their inability to put that pain into words. It "hears" them when their behaviors are doing the talking. It is all things kind and loving. It has value beyond description, and it creates a healing environment regardless of whether they are having a "normal" hard day or they are surviving years of neglect and abuse.

Oh, and I hate doing it. I'll be the first to tell you that, too.

To quote myself: "The only thing harder than parenting them is being them."

Yet, let's not skim over the fact that parenting them is still really hard!

Parts of it get easier with practice. About the time you hit that groove, you actually start to experience some healing in your home. You have a moment of knowing what a good day morning looks and feels like. Personally, I find myself more triggered and struggling more after those good moments.

Like today.

And this is with a child who has not had attachment struggles. Parenting any child who is hurting or struggling in any way is tough. In my house right now, we are all tired from an unusually busy month. There are external factors coming into play. Oh, and we're still supposed to function in the world to some extent.

How do I do it?

First, I remember to stay out of the battle. I agree or stay quiet with whatever comes out of their mouth. I just keep agreeing or just sitting and being present. If you are agreeing with their arguments there is no battle, and they are being heard. "It's not fair!" "This isn't fair!" If you are being quiet and being present, there is no battle and they feel they are being heard.

If I'm still so revved up inside I can't even remember how to spell "therapeutic," I then say, "I need to calm down. What would you like to do while I'm getting myself settled?" "I DON'T KNOW!" "Okay, well, you can do what you like when you decide. I'll be in my room/on a walk/listening to music."

My kid who is really struggling today just got VERY angry, even after giving them choices as to what they want to do. So, I said, "It seems that you might want to throw something, because you are so angry." "NO, I DON'T! I just want to go OUTSIDE!"

Again, I agreed. And they stomped past me.

Writing is therapeutic for me, so I'm finishing this post. I have no idea what is going on out there, but I know that whatever gets pummeled or ripped or shredded is not worth more than my child. It's their way of working through it, and another time it can be repaired when everyone is regulated. We are finding our own space to get past the biggest part of the feelings. This kind of interaction isn't limited to kids with a history of trauma. I know there are plenty of parents of teenagers who are feeling pretty darn connected to me right now. Even the "normal" kids talk through behavior.

When this settles, I will take the first step to reconnect. I'm still feeling angry, myself. I'll get there. Space is good.

I won't let my disdain for the process become an excuse not to do it. It is good for everyone. However, I won't pretend I still don't struggle with it. Both are true.

We are all having to do something that is very, very hard for us. Sometimes I guess it's a positive thing. Being therapeutic forces us into a situation where we are not asking our kids to do something we're not having to do ourselves.

Suck.

I am Spartacus

I added a little somethin'-somethin'



Spartacus led a historical revolt of Roman slaves. He was all, "You will not own me." Yeah. I'm a fan.

We know little about him beyond the details of the Third Servile War. Yet, his story has continued to inspire modern writers. He was pretty badass. He reminds me of my children who come from a country of people who were slaves and said, "Um, yeah. NO." And they took back their freedom.

When I'm feeling strong, I state, "I am Spartacus." When I've just done something that totally kicked tail, my closest friends get a "Spartacus." Yet, it even has more meaning for me, as people have taken his story and expanded upon it.

I added my latest ink while surrounded by treasured friends. The kind of friends who would not just stand with me, but would stand for me. I would do the same for them. It was the perfect time to finally add my catch phrase to my body.



I. am. Spartacus.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by evaguein, used with permission)





**send your magical milk pics to christinemoers at hotmail dot com**

Happy people connect

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************



I don't think this is gonna' shock anyone. Since the times of ancient philosophers, it has been seen and agreed that deep, social connections make a happier person. It's not just kinda' important. It's a big, frickin' deal.

We need our people. If we don't have people, we need to find them. If we have found them, we need to nurture those relationships, even if it's hard.

It's vital, y'all.

I have learned a wonderfully painful lessen this year. The deepest connections are formed when you dare to be vulnerable. Oh my cow, that's scary. My husband is the very safest person for me on this planet, and yet being truly vulnerable with him is still very difficult. It has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with our tendency to feel and believe vulnerability makes us weak. We would rather not go there, than be rejected.

So, I have dared to be vulnerable. I have practiced it. CRAP, did I mention it is scary? Yeah, not just with your partner, but have you dared to try it with the other people in your life you love dearly. I mean, if you can't be vulnerable with them, who can you do this with?

Again, I know you're not shocked. By doing this, my relationships have deepened exponentially. However, what I just wrote is almost a joke compared to the radical level of intimacy I have reached with people in my inner circle. There is simply no way to describe it. I took a risk. They were safe. They took the risk right back. Holy tamale. It has blown my mind.

So, having a lot of connection is important. You need to have at least five people who are available to you for a myriad of life's questions. It is important to take care of those relationships. If some of them are getting dusty, maybe it's time to whip out the feather duster of vulnerability.

"I need you."

"I feel ..."

"I really wish ..."

"I love you."

"I need you to know ..."

"I am so afraid of ..."



"When we allow our self to share our deepest thoughts, our personal dreams, our unique historical experiences, our fears, our wisdom and our greatest attributes, we become a true gift to those who know us. When we are vulnerable, those around us can relax into being themselves, being who they are, feeling that it is okay to just be." - Erica Goodstone, Ph.D., LMHC, LMFT

Google is your college

"Do we want our kids being prepared for their futures by a system that hasn't fundamentally changed in 125 years?"

Just say no to stagnation

Source: google.com via Christine on Pinterest

A love letter to Corey

Dear Corey,

So, you're gonna' stop blogging. Good for you. Like literally. We both know it will be GOOD FOR YOU! And if anyone on this planet deserves some tender loving self-care, it's you, my friend.

I cannot let you exit without a love letter. You and I are so on-again/off-again as we juggle our lives and our kids and our schedules. However, every time we get back together, we don't just pick up where we left off. Dang it if we don't jump a million feet ahead of where we left it. I told you last weekend, it's as if we have this giant bungee rubber band that just keeps sucking us back together, no matter where life takes us.

I am so sorry for the times that I have not been more present for you. I know, I know. Neither of us have had any idea over these years exactly what the other is going through on a daily basis. But let me apologize anyway. It feels good to say it. It reminds me that none of us really know. We really don't have a clue what these moms out there are surviving. So, I guess I'm apologizing to a lot of people simultaneously. In general. I'm apologizing for me and for all of us who aren't more patient, more understanding ... when all of us forget to give each other a little slack. Or a LOT of slack. I have needed it. You have needed it. Every stinkin' one of us, at some time or other, have needed it.

But enough about everyone else. This is about YOU. Corey Waters. My friend. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for letting me suck at connecting. Thank you for every little encouraging thing you have sent me, and for never, ever expecting me to send you anything ... EVER. Yet, never equating that to how I feel about you. You are a good friend. You are a caring friend. You are a damn funny friend (honey badger say what?).

You are strength.

I know it took strength to put the kibash on your blog. I know that there will be lots of people saying, "Nooooooooooo!" because you are such a gift to them. I will be saying, "Yeeeeeeeessssss!" because I know it's a gift to YOU, and dang it - YOU DESERVE TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF! You have worth. Such rich, thick, amazing worth.

I know I'm saying stuff you already know. But I'm declaring it publicly. Because I am Christine. I'm overly emotional and dramatic when I'm having big feelings of love.

I have big feelings of love for you.

If it weren't for all this trauma, we wouldn't be friends. Would any of us do it all again to guarantee these friendships? That's what I love about being your friend. We won't answer that. It's too confusing and too painful. And it wastes time enjoying the fact that WE ARE FRIENDS!

Every time I see that empty spot in my feed reader, I will imagine your smile and your strength. And I will celebrate.

I love you,

Christine

When mercy sucks

I am a happy person. You bet. But happy people also feel sucky and their lives are also really complicated and painful. We simply seek out and build happiness in the middle of the pain and suckage.

Back in the days when my husband was a pastor and/or student minister, I took several tests to determine what my "spiritual gifts" were. At the top of that list, every single time, was mercy. Some would argue whether these are actually spiritual, or personality traits or what-not. Whatever your personal take is, there is no denying it:

I ooze mercy.

I cry mercy.

I sweat mercy.

I crap mercy (so maybe that's not totally possible ... but if it were, I WOULD DO IT!)

That also means that I feel the pain of the people I love. It's a blessing and a curse. I FEEL it. I carry it. I want to fix it or alleviate it or at the very least lessen it. I have been given many opportunities over the years to practice feeling mercy and not allowing it to crush me. It's hard. The more I love someone, the more I feel it.

My type of person is the reason we bring food to people after a death. We have to do something! Anything! We feel like WE will die if we can't make your life a little bit easier in those moments.

I have pushed myself to find balance in these times. I have to stop and sit with how I'm feeling (usually helpless and out of control). Oh, yikes. Hmmm. "Control" seems to always float to the top when I sit with feelings. Frick. So, perhaps my mercy starts as a very good thing, but floats to the wrong side as I start to feel the enormity of the pain, causing me to realize I can't fix everything, and then being overwhelmed with a desire to be in control.

Yeah, that's usually it. I work through it. I find that balance and allow people to hurt and be comforted/helped/loved by ALL the people in their life. I visualize myself releasing the need to control pain and distress, because let's face it ... I can't! What a waste of energy to try. I also state over and over what is true: "I can live out mercy in a healthy way, and it is good even when the pain is still there. I can come home, hang up the phone, end the conversation, whatever ... even when the pain is still present, and that is not going to make the pain worse."

I don't believe it, so I say it again. And again. And again. Then I'm better, and twenty minutes later have to say it again.

My pain? I expect pain and difficulty. But watching the people I love struggle? It kills me.

So, probably no need to review, but here we go.

Mercy = good

Crushing mercy = bad

The end.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

This photo was shared on FaceBook by United Nations for a Free Tibet. UNFFT works to raise awareness of gross human rights violations committed against Tibetans in their homeland by the Communist Chinese Army which has occupied Tibet for more that 60 years. Their mission is to educate the public and to advocate for an end to the oppression and atrocities brought by the brutal Communist Chinese occupation. With over 35,000 members spread across the globe, they are a strong ally of Tibet.

Happy people practice kindness

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************

If you line up a bunch of generally happy people, most of them will regularly practice being kind to others. As I was thinking about this, I remembered the movie "Pay It Forward." Love me some Kevin Spacey. Not to mention, I spent many years watching "Mad About You" and desperately wanting my hair to look EXACTLY like Helen Hunt's. It never did. Funny ... it looked much more like Hunt's hair did in the movie! But I digress.

It's a good film about practicing random acts of kindness. This is a wonderful concept. I certainly don't want to diss on it. Yet, if I were going to capture just how kindness brings me happiness, it would not be in the times I have paid for the people behind me in the drive through or given away a possession. My greatest amount of happiness-via-kindness has grown from the tiny moments when I give myself away. My time. My ear. My smile.

Connecting personally with people, has a profound effect on my mood and how I grow as a person. "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer quotes many studies which show the rise in serotonin levels when we are kind to others. Also, when you witness an act of kindness you also receive an increase in their happy juice ... serotonin ... whatevs. Now imagine how massive the mood boost is for the person on the receiving end. Being kind turns you into a serotonin machine!

Sometimes I think we jack up the actual definition and limit ourselves. Kindness is listening without fixing. Kindness is saying, "Man, that sucks. I love you," and then shutting your yapper. These are the moments where my life changes. This is where I find happiness. Just being with someone. Staying present. Loving them right where they are. Not feeling like I have to DO anything, because really ... they just want me. Just there.

It's radical.

It's spectacular.

Shake up your story

Your work

Source: forlyndsay.tumblr.com via Christine on Pinterest

Guess what? It's not your fault!

Everyone should watch End of Adoption.

Everyone.

Watch that video.

Because our entire world is affected by adoption.

Once he gets to his sales pitch, you can take off. But don't miss the first half.

If you are living this out and currently sitting in a puddle of tears ... when you can finally calm and feel ready to move forward, know that you are not alone. While I won't discourage you from purchasing Bryan Post's book or paying for his webinar, he's not my most recommended resource. I found a much more power-packed little gem.

Order Denise Best's "Therapeutic Parenting for Traumatized Children." It will cost you $32. Do it. Order it. You will get it in the mail and stare at it wondering if you've been duped. It is not slick and shiny ... at all. However, it is one of the most complete and practical guides for how to do this whole thing called "therapeutic parenting." It covers all the information you would receive by attending one of Denise's full-day trainings.

After two years of pouring through everything out there, it was that unassuming booklet that helped me really "get" how I needed to do this.

But more than any of that, my point for today is:

Know you are loved.

Know you are not alone.

Chocolate Covered Cherry Green Smoothies

I made this up as I went along this morning, and it was a hit!

Chocolate Covered Cherry Green Smoothies

2-3 handfuls spinach leaves
3 bananas (they add more sweetness and thicken - we put them in almost every single smoothie)
Bag of frozen cherries
Fill blender/Vitamix to the top with chocolate almond milk

Blend the holy hooch out of it. Pour into glasses. Cut frozen cherries so they can be placed on edge of glass as a garnish. Laugh when the first kid doesn't realize it's FROZEN and starts chomping on it. heh. heh.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by evaguein, used with permission)




**send your magical milk pics to christinemoers at hotmail dot com**

Happy people don't want your weed

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************





The grass may appear to be greener on the other side of the fence, but I know what is true. If you look really close, it's full of weeds that have just been watered well, greened up, and mowed short.

I don't want your weed. Weeds. Whatever.

Comparing myself to others can sometimes suck up my joy and happiness. I try not to make blanket statements, because inevitably I receive the "Well, not ALWAYS" response. So, yes, comparing yourself to someone who can inspire, motivate or encourage you is good. However, that is rarely the main crux of how we evaluate ourselves against others.

NOTE: I have amazing blog readership, and straight away this morning someone pointed out that a study I cited may have been written by a professor now known to use fraudulent data. I have removed all of this because I don't need someone with their own personal issues to tell me I compare myself to others. I do. All. the. time. There you go. I will let Diederik Stapel handle his own stuff in his own way ... not on my blog! Now, on with the show ... minus like FOUR friggin' paragraphs I worked on this weekend!

When I start to feel that I'm comparing myself to someone (positive or negative), I dive in deeper. I focus on what is true. If looking at a baby makes me feel older, and looking at a senior adult makes me feel younger ... does truth change? No. I'm still 39. I still have crows feet. I still have smoother skin that someone in their 70's. I still have the same energy I did just an hour before.

Truth does not change.

So, I have learned to tune in to myself when I'm feeling insecure, or just generally "bad." I practice sitting on that feeling and asking myself, "Is this feeling true? If there is something that needs to change, what is it? What steps should I take? However, am I believing a lie? Did what I just experience actually change what is true?"

Typically, I find that I am giving power to a lie. I state the truth. Then I state it again. Then I state it yet again. Feeling exist, and you can't stop yourself from having them. However, you can sit with a feeling, allow its existence, and then choose what to do with it. It can be a very uncomfortable experience in the moment, but it can be unbelievably empowering as you work through the process.

As you state what is true ... and then begin to believe it.






(photo by Colin Brough, used with permission)

Wouldn't you like to be a doodler, too?

The power of our words

Source: bessemeropinions.blogspot.com via Christine on Pinterest

There is no healing without poo

One of our cats has a special gift. It has diarrhea every. single. solitary. time. it's in the cat carrier. Extra pungent, nasty runs. So much so that the vet always comments on just how bad the smell is.

My cat grosses out the VET. A gift, I tell you.

Of course, sometimes you have to get your cat to the vet. The drive into town and back is a long one. You know how it's gonna' play out. You bring extra towels. You make sure you're ready to give him a bath afterward. You utilize expert mouth breathing when the vet leaves you to hold down your poo-covered cat while she reads the slides.

This is the part where Christine makes a brilliant poo analogy.

Sometimes there are things we need to do in order to grow. That process, however, will cause some undesired stuff. We find ourselves at a crossroads. "I really don't want to deal with the cat poo, but I also know my cat is miserable with the mange. I must make a choice."

To be a better parent, you may need to deal with your own history first. To deal with your own history is going to feel like you've been covered in feline diarrhea. It's going to be messy and miserable and STINK! Yet, you can't get to the healing without the poo.

To be a better partner or spouse, you may need to face your own issues first. Owning the fact that you sometimes play mind games is going to be putrid. Admitting your jealousies and insecurities is going to feel like you're wrestling with muck. Yet, you can't get to the healing without the poo.

You can apply this to any area of growth. Really. What really (obvious pun) stinks about it, is that the poo part makes us more resistant to doing the work. We don't reach these points without having already weathered a lot. We are tired. We are hurting. We don't care if we are a part of the problem, we just want the problem to GO AWAY. And we have a decision to make.

We can walk away.

Or we can begin to prep for the poo. We can gather towels. We can make sure we have what we need for clean up afterward. We can prepare our minds, knowing that it will be gross and hard ... but worth it.

We can't get to the healing without the poo.

Chaos to Healing: Therapeutic Parenting 101

How would you like to be a member of the audience as Christine Moers and Billy Kaplan videotape a live presentation for an upcoming educational DVD on therapeutic parenting? It’s going to be a “battle of wits” as Billy and Christine discuss therapeutic parenting from their own perspectives as a Clinical Social Worker and a Therapeutic Parent. And yes, there will be a question and answer period in which you’ll get your chance to “stump the chumps.”

I cannot begin to tell you how utterly excited and utterly nervous I am about this project. It was about a year ago when Billy first contacted me and asked me to speak at the Parenting in Space conference. It was the beginning of an amazing friendship and partnership. The two of us share a passion for children with a history of trauma, and the people who parent them. We are thrilled to create a resource for parents which will provide lots and lots of practical information. We also chose a DVD format because we know not all parents are avid readers, and we wanted it to be accessible to more people.

You can register to be a part of the audience, which means you get to experience all the information uncut and uncensored. Heh. Heh. I hope, if you're in the area, you will join us as we create "Chaos to Healing: Therapeutic Parenting 101."

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo is Baby K and momma J at RootedInLove, used with permission)



**send your magical milk pics to christinemoers at hotmail dot com**

Happy people are optimistic

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************

Source: None via Danielle on Pinterest

Eventually!


I am a "bra half full" kind of gal. I can get really discouraged at times, but I simply cannot ignore how my time on this planet has shown me things do turn around, life changes and the sun always comes up over and over again.

Life is second chances, and that helps me to be optimistic.

Optimism doesn't mean I'm naive. It does not mean that I think I'm above pain and misery. It is not a way to avoid facing reality.

Optimism is an attitude.

It means that even when things SUCK, I believe I can learn from them. This takes a negative and turns it into a positive ... eventually. The negative still gets to be negative, but it does not get to own what can grow out of the middle of it.

It means that when all of the possibilities are not great, I can still seek and find the best solution among the not-great choices. There is a time to grieve. Heavily. There is a time to cry until you literally cannot cry anymore. Feelings should be felt, acknowledged and expressed. Optimism would never dare to ignore the value of pain. It's not going anywhere. It waits its turn.

I believe there is always a way through - whatever. Sometimes I push through and get the outcome I'm hoping for. Other times it means that I am the point of change, and my expectations are not where they need to be.

Optimism does not blind me to my responsibility, my part of the work, my piece of the puzzle. It tells me that I am capable of very much, and when I find I have reached a limit, I am capable of change, or reorganization, or stepping back and reevaluating.

Optimism means that nothing will crush me beyond repair. It says that I am good and I deserve good things. I deserve healing. I deserve to move forward. I deserve joy and peace and fun.

Dang it!

Life is art

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What is beauty?

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