Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo of Abby and baby Tippi, used with permission)



You can submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Happy people commit

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************



Read the title of this post again.

And then again.

Now note: it does not say "Happy people OVER commit."

No, really. Read it again! It's not there!

I am very committed to things in my life. Very few things. I was once a very miserable person who was committed to lots and lots of things where lots and lots of people could see just how committed I was. And then slowly, I started to go completely miserable bonkers and was on my way to being committed.

Cause that makes sense.

As I became a parent, I began practicing something knew. I quit things. I declined invitations to add more commitments.

I said, "No."

It was difficult. I have had some really harsh things said about me as I did. There were people who attempted to guilt me back into what I had left behind. I had to grow some very thick skin. It has not been easy.

Yet, my life changed.

Something magical began to take place. I had time. Actual time. I was able to commit to my children in ways that they needed me. But by eliminating unnecessary stress I became happier, more patient and well ... more patient! That was enough right there to keep it up.

We were spending time hanging out, taking meals more slowly, looking at one another, saying things like, "What should we do?" The time I had with my children was making a greater impact on our relationships. That change then provided me more time to commit to my marriage. Again, I was more patient, more thoughtful and dangit - I had more time and more desire to play! Go out! Have fun!

Speaking of going out: I became a better friend. I could have people over on a whim. If someone had a random Tuesday night off and wanted to get together, it was very probable we could make that work. Our extended circles began to strengthen. It brought even more happiness to our lives.

For the first time we could truly commit to people, projects and things. By keeping this list short and simple, we occasionally found ourselves with a crazy thing called a FREE SATURDAY! On those days we might do very little besides sitting on our duffs and watching bad B movies, or we might finally try something new. We had the time. It was a perfect fit.

So, commitment is important and does bring happiness. True commitment. The kind you can carry out and enjoy, even when it requires work.

Over commitment will make you miserable. It will make your family miserable. It will set up unrealistic expectations and many times perpetuate failures and mediocrity. It will rob you of relationship.

It will rob you of happiness.

Thankful for the hard stuff

I am thankful for the hard stuff.

I hate the hard stuff.

I would never choose to relive most of it.

I'm not doing cartwheels, and it certainly doesn't make me smile.

Yet, I'm thankful for it.

I'm thankful for the person it has made me. I despised the process of getting to this point. Despised. It hurts and is always thick and messy.

Parts of the hard stuff still make me livid. Much of it was simply not okay. Not right. Not good. It rocked me to my core. Threatened my marriage and my home. Rattled friendships. The hard stuff does not discriminate. The hard stuff is an equal opportunity screwer-over.

However, I can now say that there were things in me I was able to skirt around. There were hidden issues I could ignore for years, until certain hard things came along and ripped back the curtain. That's miserable. Each time I have stood there feeling naked and exposed, I knew I had a choice. Then another. Then another.

The choices started to shape me. Sometimes it was not pretty and I chose sefishly. I got more tangled. So, I might do differently with the next one.

And so on and so on and so on.

Here I am.

Thankful.

Knowing more hard stuff is coming.

Knowing the right choices sometimes suck.

But seeing who I have become and knowing I can still be more.

Yes. Most definitely.

Thankful.

Zucchini pizza bites

We don't need no stinking gluten to enjoy a bit-o-pizza!

Just grill some pieces of zucchini so they are lovely brown. I added some olive oil on top first. If you don't have a grill, and don't feel like firing one up outside, you can cheat and use the broiler.

The zucchini possibilities are endless, as some types are much larger and can make bigger slices/bites (that's what she said). I'm guessing you could try just about any squash-esque vegetable.

Anywho, then you pile on your toppings. We went with pizza sauce combined with soy charizo. Sprinkle on your favorite cheese or not-cheese. Pop them back in a 350 oven til melted.

Only one of my kids did not inhale these, but they have a texture aversion at times. The zucchini was not stiff enough and crossed that sensory line. The rest of us looked as though we had never eaten in our lives and were licking our plates clean. It is a true miracle these lasted long enough for a photo. I may have had one in my mouth at the time.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

"I am a full-time momma, and 'part-time' ESL professor (ahem), which means nothing, other than I get paid part-time to work full-time. Here I am, grading where ever and whenever I can, including feeding my six month old son, Jaxon."

(photo by Julie in Los Angeles, used with permission)



You may submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Happy people find joy

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************




I'm very tempted to make a joke about my mom today. Her name is Joye. And it will bring her joy that I mentioned her and remembered that my dad always says she "is the joy of" his life.

Yet, this is a much debated topic. How the heck, exactly, does one procure this joy? Not my mom, Joye, but like happy, feel good, pleasant to be existing right now joy?

"Doing something you hate is possible, for a little while, but you’ll never sustain it. If you hate running, you’ll never keep up the habit for long. You need to find the joy in doing the activity, and when you do, you’re golden. So either choose an activity that you love, or find something to love in the activity, and grab on to that." - stephthinksalot at Femme Scientifique

Let me brainstorm some things that work for me:

Keep it small or short. Break a big task down. Refocus your brain from focusing on the whole hour or the whole day or week ... and focus on the next five minutes.

If making a change to something could bring you more joy, make only tiny changes - one at a time. Let that change settle in. Let it feel more like a habit. Then make another tiny change.

Imagine the results you are expecting from a task or relationship or interaction. Then imagine throwing those results or expectations into the wind. Take a deep breath and be present in that moment. Look for joy in that very moment. Be present. Discover the joy. Dare to let yourself enjoy it, no matter how small.

Be grateful for these little moments. Do not let them pass you by. They are the things that make life spectacular.

MOVE! When you are feeling completely depleted of joy you may also find yourself in a bubbly bath of depression. The last thing you want to do is put one foot in front of the other, breathe fresh air or even put away a dish. Set a timer for five minutes and do something that requires progress and movement. Later, when you sink again ... set another timer!

I do most of my work online. My brain flows in sync with my fingers like lightening. I LOVE technology and all that is the internet. Yet, when I'm really at a low, I do better when I unplug. I go outside and hold my head up. I smell. I listen. I walk. I sit down and watch ants. I pay attention to nature. Maybe then, I call a friend and talk.

When things are rough, it does not come naturally. You have to fight for it. You have to make a choice to do these things. They are not magic pills, but they are steps toward joy. They can help you pull out of that "stuck" place where the pain and sadness swirl.

You are totally worth giving it a try.

Sometimes I need my own advice

In January of last year I wrote a post on shame. In it I said:

I have worried that by addressing shame and doing a quick "redo" or a "fix" that my kids will blow off the severity of ALL they do, and won't heal and won't change their behavior. I very clearly remember the day I took a deep breath, and thought, "These people who are advising this aren't just pulling it out of their butts. They have healed it. They have walked with families. Some of them have been unattached and/or traumatized themselves. They have seen it with their own eyes, and they know it works, which is why they keep telling more and more people to do it. They're not gluttons for punishment."

I had to trust their experience and try it, or say, "Screw it. My kids are somehow magically different."

I took a step of faith. It felt horrible. Many days it felt like it wasn't enough. The behaviors actually lessened, but that felt like I wasn't coming down on them hard enough - like I needed to see their misery. Some days it is SO HARD. It is SO BACKWARD. It's not like there aren't consequences, but I WOULD FEEL BETTER IF THEY WERE BIG, FAT CONSEQUENCES BECAUSE SOME DAYS THEIR STUFF IS SO CONSTANT IT IS OUTNUMBERING OXYGEN MOLECULES!

Today I was talking with someone on FaceBook about this article and said something I thought was brilliant. We were discussing the importance of agreeing with our kids when they are mad, even if they are saying we are giant turd heads. Now, I'm hoping I'll actually remember it for myself on a consistent basis:

"Success is not getting them to admit underlying feelings. Success is us learning to actually stop and hear how they are feeling and how they are experiencing the world. The expression of feelings will come along as attachment grows. But they have to feel heard over and over and over and over again before they feel safe enough to start stating those truths with regularity."

I'm now bookmarking this post for future reminders. In case you ever thought I blog for any of you ... um ... no.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

Remember that time you had your baby in a hotel room?

No? Well, Stephanie does. Check out this amazing birth story.

And a big 'thank you' to her for getting me a pic just so I could have a perfect opportunity to share her story with all of you!





*you can submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com*

Happy people go with the flow

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************



There is a man with a really large name: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

He proposed and has studied a very basic piece of happiness: flow

As Csikszentmihalyi describes it, flow is the creative moment when a person is completely involved in an activity for its own sake.

What I love about the notion of flow is that it happens for everyone, even if they do not consider themselves particularly creative. Think about it. It is a creative moment (everyone has creative ability, even if it's in certain situations and moments). The person is completely involved (as a self-proclaimed change whore, I still have flow - get lost in it). The activity is done for its own sake (not out of obligation, but with an ability to find and feel the joy in what is being done ... just by doing it).

He talks about ten factors that are typically involved. Not all of them have to be there, yet think about times in your life and things you've done where you have found yourself in a state of flow:

Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities). Moreover, the challenge level and skill level should both be high.

Concentrating, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).

A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.

Distorted sense of time, one's subjective experience of time is altered.

Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).

Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).

A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.

The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.

A lack of awareness of bodily needs (to the extent that one can reach a point of great hunger or fatigue without realizing it)

Absorption into the activity, narrowing of the focus of awareness down to the activity itself, action awareness merging.

Some of this sounds daunting, but it can actually be inspiring. Not to mention, it perfectly describes why people find so much joy in things like crocheting, knitting, quilting, mowing the lawn, etc. Look back at that list. These kinds of things fit.

This list can help you to evaluate what things you should remove from your life. If they cannot be removed for practical purposes (job = money = food/clothing/shelter), are there ways to change them so you can start to experience more flow?

What things should you ADD to your life that will more easily produce a state of flow?

I find flow in many things. I have also become much more skilled at altering the "necessary" activities in my life to better move in such a free and more pleasurable state: cleaning, laundry, driving to and from things, etc.

When is the last time you got lost in your work? If you've never been lost in your work, is it even possible to move toward that goal? Do you have a few things in your life where you literally find yourself immersed in the process, and the task brings you pleasure just moving through it methodically?

Have you given up things, and it's time to add them back ... because it's healthy for you and you're worth it?

Climbing mountains

This weekend are the final performances of the all-school musical. Three of my kids are participating.

It has been a lot to absorb. Stress levels have been high. I have spent many days in tears and frustration. I despise regression after such amazing progress. It's annoying and discouraging.

So, as I've pulled myself out of my own depressive hole, I took time to focus on what is true.

Two of my children could not even be in the same room together 3.5 yeas ago. They were so hurtful and triggering to one another. We literally had to set them at certain angles anytime we all ate at the same table, to avoid the constant fighting. It was constant. Zero exaggeration. CONSTANT. I had never experienced anything like it, and always felt physically and emotionally drained to keep healthy boundaries between them.

For the past three months, I have dropped them off at a rehearsal and driven away. I have watched them blow it with their big feelings, but then reconnect after with some help (which is actually more than the average siblings do!). I have watched them work through their own issues many, many times since rehearsals started. I am still watching them deal with the unbelievably high stress of performance. They grew up in constant trauma. Their inability to function together was just the tip of the iceberg. They have climbed mountains. We are watching them grab fear by the balls and do it anyway.

I don't think the average person in the audience has any clue what they are witnessing. Seriously. It is beyond comprehension, even when I find myself frustrated that we are dealing with ANY issues at home.

There is that other interesting bit of trivia that I also think most people are unaware of. "Charlie," in this musical, has Tourette Syndrome. She has lived her life with off-the-charts anxiety, panic attacks, and frustration with the times stress will send her body into a dance she cannot control. My husband and I see the tics. Granted, we're so used to them, we have to stop and think about it. But they are there. We know the stress triggers them even more. Yet, she has become a master at working around them, getting them out when she's out of the eye of others, or simply barreling through when they're not gonna' take "no" for an answer. Just a few years ago I spent many hours crying, wondering how this would affect the rest of her life.

Many times we forget how much of a say our kids have over their own obstacles. These three kids ... holy crap. They have said, "That does not define me, nor will it slow me down. I want this. I'm gonna' do it. I will find a way."

Don't get me wrong - things are still very rough around here right now. Home is the safe place for all of us to come unglued. It should be that way. This is a big deal. It's stressful and awesome. It triggers so much of what my kids have to face every day. So, I'm pacing myself as we navigate through it. I am frustrated - yes. However, my part of in all of this is to stop and see where we are now. Regardless of the worst thing we've dealt with this week, it's no longer an every single day occurrence. I never thought I would ever be able to say that. Really. Like ... EVER. But here we are.

Hope, even in the struggles. Healing, even when the behaviors creep back in. Victory over fear, not because they glide through it perfectly, but because they dare to glide in the first place!

Not to mention, my kids are stinkin' awesome and adorable on that stage!

Second Dreadiversary

My dreadies are two years old this week.

I continue to love them more every day, which is a little weird because I don't think about them every day.

I love that they are just there and look basically the same all the time. I love how when I'm feeling like spending time on them, I can just move around beads or peyote stitches, make something new, whatevs. I love that "washing" is now just a good rinse followed by a cocktail of lavender, peppermint and tea tree essential oils in some water. I love how I undreaded the ends this past winter to color them, and now I get to watch the tips as they slowly work and wind their way up into each loc. I love how crazy and gnarly they are. I love how I have frizzy fly-aways sticking up and out all over the place.

For some people, dreads are a very high maintenance hairstyle as they prefer to have them more uniform and tame. They find great pleasure in the process. For me, the opposite brings me joy. The whole point is simplicity. The intent is to embrace what my hair wants to do naturally. To leave it be and hang on for the ride.

Art in the strands.

Creativity in the natural process.

Beauty in the unruly.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

On September 8, 2011, Jess Guest gave birth to her sixth child. She was 5 lb 6 oz, and has multiple congenital issues, including a heart defect, "as well as the most adorable curly eye lashes and thick hair and a foul temper when pissed off."

Within 48 hours she was sedated, intubated and flown across to Melbourne on mainland Australia (Jess and her family live in Tasmania, an island to the south). Jess followed the next day, leaving her other five children and husband behind for weeks, possibly months.

"This photo was taken on the 13th, five days after her birth. I had not slept, my legs were swollen to twice their normal size but I hid them so they wouldn't make me go and rest and would let me have skin to skin with my baby. My support network had imploded over the previous couple of days." That morning, Jess had chosen to fire her main support person after a breech of some very important "boundary issues." Thankfully, an amazing friend was called in and took over that role with brilliance.

"My whole body was shaking with exhaustion as I diligently expressed every 2-3 hours over the day and 3-4 hours overnight and was almost resigned to the idea that my daughter would never latch due to her many issues. During this, our first REAL skin to skin since the hours immediately following her birth, Kaylee attempted to latch on. At this moment, I felt as beautiful as the moment after her birth. Due to her issues, we will probably always have a pump and a NG tube (tube into her tummy) as a part of our relationship but this moment was the first glimpse of hope toward some semblance of a 'normal' breastfeeding relationship. Amidst the chaos and jubilation in my mind at that moment was the thought, 'This will make a kick arse photo for Christine's blog!

So here you go Christine, a kick arse Magical Milk pic.

I am still pumping. I am still in a whirlwind of chaos. The magic milk is flowing.

This picture is a symbol of hope."

UPDATE: on the day this picture was posted, Jess commented with this update - "Taking Kaylee home TODAY for the first time ever (she is two months old yesterday). Still pumping although her tube has been placed into her small intestine and even a drop orally makes her vomit stomach acid at the moment. We still do skin to skin a few times a day and my lactation consultants have hope that Kaylee may well surprise us all - even if it takes a few surgeries to do it. She has an unrepaired heart defect so avoiding infection is a big thing for us. It makes the magic milk still magic."

(keep up with this sweet family at The Life and Times of Jess)





You may submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Happy people forgive

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, as well as a research psychologist. In her studies, she has discovered 12 things that happy people have in common.

I am happy. Even when I'm feeling crappy, I am a happy person. People are forever asking me how I reached this place. It wasn't because I prayed enough, or took a magic pill, or held my mouth just right while dancing on one foot, or was just born happy (um ... NO ... you can ask my mom about that first year). Yet, I have discovered that self disciplines, even the ones which result in fun, have radically changed my life. These are things I learned through my own therapy and medicinal treatment for depression and anxiety. If you realize the concepts in this series are simply not enough, seek help. Insist on it. Find your own personal level of healing, which is different for everyone. Sometimes I speak "happy" with an accent, because I still dance with depression and anxiety - and that is okay.

I thought I'd focus my Mondays on each of the 12 common factors. It makes sense, because Mondays can totally slurp on the happiness meter.

*******************************************




A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... I walked into a class on forgiveness. There were only three participants. Myself (in my 20's), a person in their 40's and another person in their 70's.

We were asked to introduce ourselves and share briefly why we were there. The 40-something father and I both talked jokingly about the need for forgiveness with our spouses and our children. It was the typical safe answer. Sharing just enough but not too much. Then we turned our attention to the grandmother in her 70's.

She was not laughing. Her face was solemn as she said, "My best friend hurt me. I have never forgiven her. That was 25 years ago."

Wow.

Just. wow.

I remember very little from that class, but I have never forgotten those words or the pain wrinkling her face or the anger in her tone. The phrase "25 years" still circles in my head to this day. 25 years. That is a long time to relive hurt and give it power in your life.

That experience launched me into my own journey of figuring out exactly what forgiveness is, what it is not, and discovering how to find peace when I have experienced pain and hurt. I had no idea how the next 15-or-so years would stretch me and challenge all I had learned.

Some truths I repeat to myself:

* Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation
* "Forgive and forget" is a really dumb thing to say, much less believe
* To forgive means I release my desire to hurt back and use the hurt to punish
* My ability or inability to let go has everything to do with me
* Not letting go hurts me, and rarely has any effect on the other person
* Releasing my desire to punish and/or hurt back is hard and takes time
* It is actually possible to truly forgive, even when remembering what happened
* Holding the hurt does not just affect me, but everyone I touch
* Forgiving does not mean we condone hurtful behavior
* Sometimes I have to forgive myself, as well
* I cannot help how I feel, but I always have a choice in what I do

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” —Dale Carnegie

For some more ideas, challenges and tools for moving forward, check out "How to Let Go and Forgive."




(photo by Matteo Canessa, used with permission)

We are all joined

"I do now believe we all are joined, where ever we are, what ever we do -- and be we quick, or be we dead; fair dark, dear, or stranger."

- "A Gathering of Days" by Joan W. Blos

Making things right

When someone hurts me, I get a big feeling.

Heh. Heh. No, really. Like a BIG FEELING.

My first reaction is to hurt back. My second reaction is a desire to feel justified. So, what I always really, really want to do is tell everyone I know about my hurt. My intent is for them to choose my side and perhaps even defend me. If I can create such a scenario, I have met both of my initial desires.

And, yeah. That always goes well.

I witnessed something painful and beautiful this week.

There is a group. A group of people who gather together under a common purpose. There was a shift in leadership. The way it played out, some people were hurt.

And this group has a FaceBook page.

The hurt was posted.

So, you can guess how it all went. People were up in arms, defending the hurt party. There were some very beautiful things said in their defense. Honestly, I never saw any name calling or personal attacks. Instead, the group members were firmly insisting on an explanation. This, in and of itself, was impressive.

However, it was still public. The person being called out asked for a face-to-face meeting to clear things up. There was more back-and-forth about whether or not that was ideal and would reach enough people. It looked like it might cause some severe and permanent separation among a tribe of people whose basis is love and creativity and inclusion.

Then, this ...

"[other party] hurt me and I bit back. That was wrong of me and for that I apologize."

"... just as rightly we could've confronted him about [the issue at hand] in private."

Was there a response from the other party? Why yes, yes, there was:

"I apologize as well for the eye for an eye behavior. This world is suffering from the same behavior."

The hurt was publicized. People were invited into it (whether this was deliberate or not) and sides began to form. However, I then witnessed something that is rare. I watched public confession. I watched public reconciliation. I watched public humility. I watched love lived out ... publicly.

It. was. beautiful.

No one is perfect. We are all human and respond as such. When we fix a disconnect, we change the world.

One little interaction at a time.

You never forget the first F-bomb

So, I'm looking through the baby books. There is a spot for "first steps." One for the first teeth and when the baby teeth fall out. Some even go so far as to document every birthday party through age 18.

I can't seem to find the right blank to document the first time a child throws the F-bomb at me. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong section. We have had just about every other word spouted at us from this particular kid, but I really want to document and celebrate the big kahuna!

Have no fear. I'll just staple in my own page. Perhaps I'll decorate it with stickers and use colored pens to write in all correct terms for said cuss word: penetration, intercourse, etc. With hearts to dot the "i's," of course.

Ah yes. Things are stressful at home. We have some very big events coming up. They are wonderful and all things good. This also means they are horrible and all things whonky. For some of our kids, this is a big practice run for larger events they will experience in their lives. So, we're riding the wave and teaching as we go. Being insanely patient (okay, fine - we are acknowledging that we should be patient, and making repairs all the time the few times we're not).

You may be asking yourself, "What exactly does one do when their child sends a Hail Mary F-Bomb at you?" Well, I don't know what YOU would do, but here is how it played out for me ...

I started laughing. Like almost-peed-my-pants laughing.

This came from a child who has grown beyond belief. I knew they were struggling. I knew they were stressed out of their mind. I was trying to be soft and therapeutic and give them words to state what was stressful for them. They were really just hoping for a fight. So miserable in their own skin and heart that they just wanted someone to join them, so they wouldn't be alone in their own stress and pain.

I finally composed myself and said, "Oh, honey. That hurt part inside forgot who I am. I sweat f***. I have f*** for breakfast. When your big event comes up soon, I'm gonna' make you a handmade card that says, "Break a f***ing leg! LOVE, YOUR F***ING AWESOME MOM!""

Cause I out-crazy the crazy. I dance with it. In our house, when a new word is introduced, the adults just assume it's something we're all supposed to be using in normal conversation, with our normal voices. What? It's not?

(side note: it's also super f***ing fun to f***ing use a word you would normally never spout in front of your kids ... and we do it in a very sing-songy, Mr. Roger's-esque voice. Seriously. A f***ing blast!)

This kid knew it, but when they are stuck in that fight/flight/freeze mode, the hurt part inside of them takes over. Well, this snapped them right back out of it, and I got a really big smile. I may have also received an, "Okay, that's ENOUGH!" because I was still enjoying my license to say f*** about every single thing in the room. I LOVE when my kids cuss! This kid remembered, quickly, just how much. Done ... and done.

Still. Going in the baby book. It's a big day, yo!

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo from my friend, Sylvia; used with permission)



you can submit your own photo to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com