Valentine's Day 2012 will be one to live in infamy. We hit our 23rd straight day of sex.
We started early so I could blog ahead, and also to help us work around a big trip I have at the beginning of March (I will NOT go to Orlando with a yeast infection!).
Allow us to recap all we've learned ... in all honesty:
* Sex means a lot of things. We have always known that, but this month has been full of reminders. Sex is not only defined as PIV. It is not only defined by climaxing. Neither of those can be possible every single day for 23 days straight. Well, unless you have a vagina made of steel and the libido of ... um ... NOT me.
* It is possible to have an argument - a massive argument - and find your way back to intimacy. It is hard. It is sometimes ugly. It really pissed me off a lot. I was mad at myself for making this stupid goal. I was mad that I had to work through things and not withhold sex in my anger. I did it. Begrudgingly, several times. In XXIII days, we had five arguments about something non-sex related, before having to get ourselves all sex-related. Holy hooch, those nights were a butt-whoopin'. But we did it. Sometimes it brought us closer. Sometimes it didn't. We had to talk more later. Sometimes it was WEIRD and/or awkward.
* We have learned what it takes to heal our hearts to feel sexual again. We have learned that sometimes you can just "do it," without having to feel emotionally connected. That can be awful and sometimes it can be awesome.
* Coconut oil, garlic and Vitamin C are mighty warriors against yeast infections.
* Technology is your friend. If you must be apart (or if you choose to do this just for fun!), your possibilities are endless. Skype, sexting, video, pictures - the sky is the limit! Note, however: you might want to clear all images off your phone before handing it over to someone to take your picture. If someone doesn't know how to use your iPhone, they may just start clicking all over the screen and open your photo album. I dodged that bullet twice this month. Note to self: it's time to learn how to create multiple photo albums on your iPhone!
* If you knock one out in the morning, it's completely normal to feel relief that you just freed up your whole evening to watch a movie on Netflix. This Sexuary stuff takes time, yo. It's alright to have a moment of, "Oh, thank God. I can finish up some Weeds and still get to bed at a decent hour!"
* Doing something for 21 days really does start to create a new habit. We are both not sure we are going to just stop after 29 days. Maybe we will. The thought of it makes us a little sad. Well, mostly sad. After the giant fight on Day 22, I wasn't feeling sad. I was ready for it. Cause I'm human.
* We started off taking turns each day. One person got to choose what we would do that evening. As life made things harder, we hit a point where we forgot whose turn it was. We made do, and just let the most stressed or exhausted person decide. That worked very well in my favor!
* When you host and promote Sexuary, you basically have turned your body and email inbox into a giant neon beacon that says, "Ask me anything. Tell me anything. I am your safe space." I know so many of you so intimately now, and I thank you for it. It has been a gift and a blessing to hear your stories and offer advice. I've also learned from you. I have been challenged by you. I have cried for/with you. I have celebrated with you. I'm honored that you would dare share that space with me. Thank you.
* Apparently some student ministry at some church is doing a February Bible study series called "Sexuary." Really. And they created a Twitter hashtag. So, all of our Sexuary tweets are intermingled on their hashtag tweets. It's kinda hysterical.
I think the biggest thing we continue to learn is that even after all these years, there is always something new to experience or discover about ourselves and each other. If we try.
We have every intention of finishing up 29 full days. At that time, you will hear the fanfare and see the confetti, no matter where you are on the planet.
Send me a message or leave a comment with your own experiences. I'm sharing a lot of them as I can, to help others. We've been a giant party of sharing and caring this month!