Thursday, April 19, 2012

The small victories are huge

photo by Jose Bernalte, used with permission
The following email is from a family I have worked with.  We haven't talked in awhile, and it was a pleasant surprise to see their name show up in my inbox. 

Healing is slow and takes patience.  Sometimes that isn't just referring to our kids, but actually referring to us as parents.  It was such a thrill to hear from them, and read their excitement.

I love a million things about this message.  First, they are real.  They are raw.  They are not perfect, and they don't expect to be.  Yet, they keep showing up every day and they try.  They are daring to attempt this whole therapeutic parenting thing.  They are daring to trade playfulness for anger.  They are trying something completely out of their comfort zone, knowing they are asking their child to do the exact same thing.  Love won.  Bonding won.  Attachment won.  They all won.

"Christine, 
We are totally freak'in out over here in [our neck of the woods].  My daughter had a really, really bad day at school today, and she came home ready to bring everyone down with her.  We made some mistakes but the one thing I did totally right for the first time ever was stay out of and away from my big feelings.  I did not get mad ... I did not get sad. I was playful, funny and I had "fun." 

At one point, [A] was getting ready to throw up on me and I started a silly song about how it was throw up on Mom day.  How I knew when she came home from school that I was going to get some of her throw up on me.  You know what?  She decided not to give me the satisfaction of her throw up!!! Victory! I did say the f word too much and my sweet husband reminded me that it is still a "bad" word BUT .... I am not mad, tired, or angry at [A] tonight.  I'm not emotionally exhausted.  I'm not looking to make her pay for what she did. 

This is the best thing that has ever happened and I want to give you a BIG, HUGE thank you!!!  We love you over here at the [Y] House.
"





(photo by Jose Bernalte, used with permission)

1 comment:

Connie said...

Just found your blog. I'm looking forward to seeing more of it. This post reminds me of what I finally let myself do with my daughter about a month ago. She started to through her fit about something small, as usual. Instead of my regular discipline measures which were not going very far, I took her to the rocking chair and rocked her and talked to her. She settled out of it quickly and now she asks me to rock her often ;)