Wednesday, April 25, 2012

You can't help a good thing

My name is Christine.  I was raised by a Southern Baptist pastor.  I speak in analogies.

Last year I inhaled enjoyed what became one of my new favorite beers ever.  Beer snobs turned their noses to it.  Yeah, I'm not a beer snob.  I just prefer to come in from the triple digit heat and quench my thirst with something that puts a smile on my face.  Throw in a happy label and I'm SOLD!

Enter:  Ruby Redbird.  A seasonal beer.  We all know what "seasonal" means.  Basically, it indicates you will love it so much that you are pretty sure you can't live without it, and it will soon be gone forever.

Ah, but Shiner couldn't walk away from this one.  It worked.  It made money.  It made lots of money, cause it's so friggin' YUM! 

Thus, it returned for 2012.  Thankyouverymuch.

I spent this past weekend at the Parenting in SPACE conference, created for those who are parenting children with a history of trauma.  I was there to teach and guide and help, but also learn and refresh myself.  One of the main things I drill into the heads of parents is that none of us are good at this.  It's hard.  It doesn't magically get easy one day. 

I have my own Ruby Redbird things.  Things that are really effective with my kids, but I allow them to be "seasonal."  I do them for awhile, and then let them slide.  They do good things for my kid, and I reach a point where I am hurting so much I don't want to do too many good things for them.  I want to pick and choose.  I get a little bit of joy out of not giving them too much joy when I'm feeling hurt and/or attacked.

And if you say you've never felt this way you're a big, hairy liar.  I can still be your friend, just understand I know you're full of bull crap.

Anywho, I found myself sitting in a room full of people feeling like there was a giant spotlight on me.  I had purposefully been avoiding some very small things that needed to return.  I needed to show up this week with those tools in hand and give them to my children.  Not because they earned them.  Not because I felt like it.  But because all of us deserve a fresh start every day.  All of us deserve patience and understanding of our past, our triggers and our mountains we climb.

Yesterday I reintroduced some Ruby Redbirds.  I am hugging more.  I have been letting things go.  I have been letting a LOT of things go. 

The pee?  Eh.  Thanks for cleaning that up.  Now get over here.  You haven't hugged me yet today.

Shoving your cell phone in your sibling's face because you "need to stretch?"  Eh.  That's one way to stretch.  I wonder if there's a way to do it without invading personal space.  Anyone have any ideas?

The sass.  Eh.  We haven't hugged since this morning.  Get your bootie over here.  Now, would you like to do-over that conversation?

More pee the following morning and declaring that they "feel dry."  Eh.  Thanks for cleaning that up, even though you feel dry.  Now get over here.  You haven't hugged me yet today.

The giant rip in the computer chair (that is obviously a cut)?  Eh.  It's an old chair.  These things happen.  That's what duct tape is for!  Why don't you help me fix it.  Should we use the camo or tie-dye print?

Of course, many of you know that this is just a sampling of the 2,128 behaviors I've experienced in the last 48 hours.  It has been exhausting, and I'm having my buttons pushed to get me back to the place I was before relaunching my own seasonal tools. 

I'm still hanging in.  I'll mess up.  I messed up yesterday, apologized, made a repair.  It's all still therapeutic.  I'll mess up again tomorrow.  This time, though, I'll have an actual cold Ruby Redbird in my hand as I finish out the day.


Jen Boettger Boring said...

The main this I got from this was "Hey Jenna, you're not the only person weird enough to own both tyedye and camo duck tape." ;)

Unknown said...

thank you for being real. thank you for letting me make you feel awkward by looking at you like you are a movie star. thank you for being my friend and mentor even if you don't actually like me. thank you for all you do to help us help our kids. now go get your blizzard!

by the way, those of us still in chicago are really jealous when you talk about the heat!

Sarah said...

You are kicking my butt AGAIN Christine! Seriously! I don't want to! You are so right! UGH. Maybe I need to write that on my hand. "Eh, these things happen, we haven't hugged yet today."

I totally need to start saying that.

Shannon said...

eh, I tried, I hugged, I let things go, dammit Christine!!! I wanted to be mad today, I didn't want to connect because I am mad at the antics they are throwing at me this week. I barely want to look at them. Yes, yes, it worked, we had fun, we hugged, we fist bumped, it was awesome. Thanks for all you do to help us crazy parents, because it helps our kids.

Unknown said...

I will not get my ass kicked by myself. I will suck you all in with me! :)

Anonymous said...

We have a "pee" problem at our house too. I love that line: "we haven't hugged yet today."

Jamie K. Nagy said...

Oh your words . . . good parenting words for kids with trauma. Thank you. I have one of those kids (am one of those adult-kids myself)--interesting family dynamics, right?

Thanks for sharing!

Jamie K. Nagy