Wednesday, May 02, 2012

I held a snake and I liked it

Get your euphemisms out of the gutter.  The title of this post is literal.  We still have nine months until Sexuary.  Yeesh.  You're a bunch of pervs (she says, after being the one to bring it up).

I am actually talking about a python.  I held a snake.  Me. The person who had recurrent nightmares about these creatures into my 30's.  And sure, I just posted a picture of one in my yard.  It was crawling through the grass away from me.  It was not all wrapped around a human.  Big difference. 

I turn 40 in two months.  I could not be more excited.  I am like a 12-year-old about to become a teenager.  It's dropped into conversation regularly, "So, when I turn 40 this summer ..."  I'm thrilled.  I love getting older.  I love shoving more life under my belt.

I have mentioned before, my concept of having a Backward Bucket List.  That is the kind of thing that becomes significant during certain seasons.  Like turning 40 (did I mention I'm about to turn 40?). 

Recently I found myself sitting just a few feet from a woman and her pet python.  I didn't mind watching it from a distance, but I would normally divert my eyes and only take it in chunks.  Instead, this time, I made myself fixate on it.  I thought to myself, "I still have some issues with snakes.  Especially when they're wrapped around people.  This might be a great time to push myself a bit.  I'm going to make myself look at this snake for awhile.  I'm going to find out if I can learn from it." 

So, I did.  I watched how it moved around her body and coiled around her hands, arms and ... geez Louise, her neck.  So very tight and coily.  It was a bit unnerving, but then I finally started to notice small tid bits.  Beauty.  Gentleness.  Elegance.  Deliberate movement.  It was ... pretty.  I was enjoying it.  Done and done!

Right, whatever. 

Some guy plopped down and asked if he could hold her snake.  She obliged.  Was thrilled to share.  Like THRILLED.  As in, "Who else wants to come hold my snake?"


More sitting and staring.  Snake holding guy left.  I knew I was supposed to.  I knew that life was handing me a free, easy moment to learn some crap about myself.  I announced to my friends, "I'm going to check out the snake."  I figured if I didn't say that out loud, I might just walk over and buy a corn dog or something.

I sat down and asked, "May I sit here and hold your snake?"  She was delighted to let me do this.  In perfect nervous fashion, I asked no fewer than 25 questions in the first two minutes.  It gave me something to do while sitting there HOLDING A FRIGGIN PYTHON THAT WAS GETTING ALL SQUEEZY WITH MY NECK.

I just felt it.  Let it move.  Redirected it almost like a toddler.  Felt its body do it's thing to get from one place to another.  It was both amazing and creepy.

Then, it's head came around and was right next my face.  We were head to head.  Eyes to eyes.  Its tongue was moving in and out.  I had a moment of thinking, "You're not supposed to stare down strange dogs.  It can cause them to attack (I'm sure I read that on the internet somewhere).  So, maybe I shouldn't stare directly at the snake? It might cause some sort of trigger and it will bite my face off."

Cause that would totally happen.  A python might bite my face right off.  Or mistake me for a rat. 

Within seconds, the python was much more interested in my arm again.  I then wasn't exactly sure how long I had been sitting there, and if, perhaps, I was hogging the snake.  I handed him/her back over.  Thanked the lovely woman.  Went back over to my friends.

The rest of the day, my conversations went more like, "I'm about to be 40 and I just held a snake.  Did I mention I just held a snake?  And I'm gonna' be 40?"  At this particular festival, the typical responses were more like, "Um, I'm 23.  I juggle snakes.  After lighting them on fire.  Under water."

Fine.  Whatever.  It was a big deal for me.  Added to my Backward Bucket List.  They can't take that away from me.


MJ said...

You are made of more win than ever!

Jazmin said...

OMG! I am totally the same way about turning 40 this summer. I'm totally /stoked/! I get to turn 40! Even when I'm fighting the depression lies about how I haven't done squat with the first 40 yrs, that's just a warm up, right?

Snakes are beautiful gorgeous creatures, congrats on moving towards learning a bit more about that. :)

Rachel said...

I totally thought it was going to be a sex post, so your brain isn't alone in the gutter :)

Tudu said...

You can come hold my hubby's snakes any time. No, I'm not being sexual either! He breeds boas and has about 50. My 4 year old thinks all the babies are her's bc they are small. I'm sure she'd share, too.

Lucy McCracken said...

You are sooo funny Christine. i love reading your posts. They're so full of humor I love it. They make me smile and I like that. How awesome that you held that snake. Good for you. I think snakes are beautiful. I would never own one or would want to hold one longer then 5 minutes, but I do think they're beautiful. :)

Nikki said...

I always read your blog and don't often comment, but had to say that I loved this post!!


Amy T. S. said...

Look at you, facing your fears. Reminds me of some other lovely members of your family!