Monday, June 04, 2012

Know thyself

Today I found myself miserable.

So many things I have been able to blow off over the last two weeks were making me NUTS.  Just thinking about something that is a pretty common annoyance was making me livid.  I had one of those mornings where I just wanted it all to stop.  To just STOP.  No more.  All things that bug me and all people that bug me ... just STOP!

My kids are not doing anything bigger or worse than they've ever done, but holy hooch, have I been on the verge of flying off the handle.  In trying to stay therapeutic, I wasn't yelling.  Unfortunately, sometimes I wear this as a badge - "Hey, I'm being a turd, but I'M NOT YELLING!".  I was overcompensating with curtness, a very not-loving countenance and an energy that had to read, "Go ye not to heaven."  I caught myself wanting to see results.  Needing to see an end to (fill-in-behavior-here).  I needed control.  I wanted control.  The more I thought about it, the more it grew and burned inside of me.

Then I did something I rarely do with myself.  We have a lot of females in this house, and there are many times one of them will get very off-kilter.  It's like they wake up on the wrong side of the universe.  Typically after several hours of unusually heightened behavior (or several days) I will finally smack myself in the forehead, grab the calendar on my phone and realize what is going on.

Cyclical stuff.

I typically discover we are within a week of that gal's new moon

So, there I sat.  I realized someone needed to look at my calendar.


Sure enough.  "Hello there, moon.  You're on your way back around before too long." 

I needed to tune back into myself.  Become aware of my body and chemistry.  As soon as I did, I felt a slight sense of relief.  Things weren't necessarily worse.  It was a rough day around our house, yes.  However, it wasn't the end of the world.  It wasn't heightened.  I was heightened. 

Yeah.  Frick. 

Now fully aware of what is going on within me, I need to put on my big girl panties.  I need to release the extra anger and frustration, knowing those things will soon subside along with my hormone levels.  I must know myself.  Honor my moon cycle.  Not use it as an excuse. 

And eat some chocolate.


Anonymous said...

You've had so much fun recently :) For a lot of people, that kind of prolonged fun experience can be followed by a substantial endorphin crash. It's possible you might be feeling a sort of emptiness where all of that fun, good times and love used to be, and that's totally normal.

Sorry you're having a rough time. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, you just described me last week. I couldn't figure out why I was being such a b to my kids. Facepalm.

Dennis Nesser said...

I keep that new moon cycle for my wife on my outlook and it reminds me before that happens so I can be looking out for it and do my husbandly best to avoid, prevent, and disarm anything that might come up. I know it doesn't stop it all, but even my wife will now ask, 'am I getting close?' cause she knows I already know the answer.

*hugs* they say, this too will pass. :)

Jen said...

Thanks for linking that article. Wish I had read that 20 years ago.

AC said...

I hate when I'm acting all angry and then realize there's a "new moon on the rise," because it makes me distrust my own feelings. It think, "You mean this anger isn't REAL?!" Ugh. I love your approach, though. I like when you said, "I need to release the extra anger and frustration, knowing those things will soon subside along with my hormone levels." It's so true. Thanks for the reminder.

Mindy said...

i can so relate to this! and to boot my moon cycle often waxes and wanes with the celestial moon cycle. yes, no excuses. thanks for this little reminder :)

Anonymous said...

The moon continue to rise and fall, and yet mom no longer has cycles. It's the fun stuff of menopause. Hormones are screaming loud. Husband and kids take cover and mom finds that darn bottle of xanax the doctor finally decided she needed. After 30 minutes all is calm, because mom is sound to sleep, snoring like a bear.