Friday, November 02, 2012

When the crap hits the crap-covered fan

Yeah, that's my Halloween costume.


I have found myself, lately, facing several difficult things coming from of couple of different directions.  It's what many of us like to call:  life.  I have also noticed how these perfect storms can trigger my depression.  I start to move less.  I feel sullen.  I find myself using words like "sullen."  I start over-using the "flexitarian" in "vegan freegan flexitarian."  Especially when it involves cookies.  And Dr. Pepper.

These are the times when the crap hits the fan ... which is already coated in piles of goopy crap.

These times are seasons.  I know that.  I know that my kids will move forward in things.  Issues will resolve.  The new stresses will be old hat before too long.  As we do, we'll find a way to solve it, work around it, or survive it until something changes. 

I have made myself stop and take an inventory of all that is good and great in my life.  So much.  I compare things to a year ago.  Two years ago.  Four years ago.  Seven years ago.  Fifteen years ago.  It's that kind of perspective that helps you understand progress, healing and my own self-growth. 

When you're in the middle of a bad day, all you can see is that second.  That hour.  You throw fertilizer on it, and start rolling around in the dirt with it while it grows.  I have a personal rule:  never make any important or long-term decisions when you're in the middle of a day when the crap is hitting a crap-covered fan.  Ever.  At all. 

Maybe I should include short term food choices. 

Anywho, I'm doing all of my old stuff to try to pull myself out of my slump, even when the crap is still flying.  Today I threw in something a little new.  I followed my own advice of dancing with the crazy.

I still have a Gimme who appears in my life from time to time.  A crazed result of trauma.  Speaking with pee.   Lots and lots of pee.  It's daily again.

I hate pee.  I HATE PEE. It makes me want to jump off the roof. 

Instead, I threw on a Gimme tarp given to me by a friend, and I climbed that roof.  I pretended to angry pee all over that roof.

It felt SO GOOD! 

You don't have to dance with the crazy like I do.  But try it in your own special way.  Get away from what is making you nuts ... or don't.  Join it.  Or do the opposite.  If you want to poke your eye out with a stick, put something glorious in front of your eyes.  If you want to yell, whisper to a butterfly.  If you want to jump, climb.

And if you want to put on some zombie makeup and frighten the dog, or make your own Gimme tarp, do it.  That crap will still be up on that fan when you get back.

5 comments: said...

I hate Pierre too and lists and the climbing on my roof seems like a brilliant pang except that it's really high ant it is already really cold here in the great white north...hmmm will have too think about that, hope Terr fan doesn't Gerry top much worse before the up seeing starts again. said...

Not sure who Pierre is but if he uses pee add a weapon of mass destruction I'll hate him too I also hate lists but hate liars more.
When typing on ones phone proof read more often, lesson learned. Oh and Terr fan would be the fan and a Gerry top is get to much worse

Diana said...

Sending all kinds of love from one crap sprayed trench to the other. Crap sucks. It has made me realize even more, though, how important it is too take care of me...a lot better care of me. That said, were working on our own version of beautiful over here in our trench.

Ha ha, J. I'm typing on my phone, too and have had to edit about 4000 times. :-)

Country mom said...

Aha! So Pierre is the one who has been peeing in my house. hmm, my son kept insisting it wasn't him. Someone was breaking into his room at night and peeing on his carpet and in his closet. I wonder if Pierre has been stealing papers, and pencils and id cards out of his back pack. I bet that is also who takes food out of his lunch and throws it in the bushes in front of the house in the morning. I need to warn the bus driver. Pierre is probably sneaking on the bus and unbuckling the harness too! I think I am going to go make some anti Pierre spray. Now that I know who to blame. Lorraine

Amber said...

Love this! Love the Gimme tarp and love the messages! It's encouraging to know there are people out there who I can turn to once we start experiencing these things. And I know I'm crazy and I will regret saying it, but I can't wait to start sifting through the crap with these kids to find the new growth underneath. I think all of you women are amazing and inspirational!