Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I am beautiful. I am lovely.

I watched a video this morning that spoke to me.  It's an ad.  I hate that it's an ad, but I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bath water.  I'm going learn from the message, despite its source.  What I'm taking away from this, is not only the reminder that I should be very aware of my own beauty, but also:

My children internalize everything I say about them.  Or don't say about them.  They internalize everything that we say about a birth parent.  Or everything we say about a divorced spouse.

That hit me hard when I heard the woman say, "My mom said I had a big jaw."

Her mother was hurting the day she said that.  She was human.  She put her pain onto her child.  We all do that.  We all do that.  As long as we're breathing, we can fill back up that hole that was created inside ourselves ... the hole we create inside our child.

In the work place, it takes 2-3 positive comments to motivate and maintain connection after one criticism.  In parenting, it's more.  Some say 10-to-1.  I have no idea how many it would take for a grown adult still carrying around the pain.  I'm gonna' make a guess of - much more!

If a parent projected their own pain into your soul, and they weren't emotionally healthy enough to cover it with ten truths ... do it for yourself.  You can't do it for your children and the people closest to you until you've done it for yourself.

Ask 15 friends today to watch this video and send you a message describing YOU.  Do it.  When you find yourself arguing with with these truths, write me and allow me to argue right back!


Jen said...

Thanks for this Christine. I too kinda think twice when it's an ad, but who is to say that some good hasn't leaked into advertising amongst all the product pushing.

I hurt when I see kids that have been pushed down and crippled by pain. We have such a big job to build up those around us...and to try hard not to rip them down. Wow.

Unknown said...

wow is all I can amazing

Jen T said...

Yep - when I was 16 my mom told me, "You know Jen, you'd have a sexy body if your boobs were bigger." Ten years later she was horrified that I was thinking about getting implants - "But you're perfect!" Didn't even remember making that comment that I'd held on to.

Of course now it's not an issue, but at the time that comment was crucial in how I viewed myself. Kids are scary, internalizing creatures, man.

Anonymous said...

"you're big, fat and ugly enough to do it yourself"