Saturday, June 07, 2014

Immediacy and Impermanence

This week I participated in beautiful and ridiculously lengthy Facebook thread, birthed by burners. It was full of snark and brilliance. Within minutes I had fallen madly in love with people I have never met, and wanted them all at my party.

Also, I wanted to plan a party.

It erupted quickly and the comments multiplied for the better part of the day. No, really. It was insane. Hundreds of comments.  Notifications going off non-stop: ding, ding, ding. I actually crawled into bed that night and thought, "I hope a bunch of these hysterically genius wonders of humans don't stay up late and post a bunch more funny. I'll miss it and have to catch up in the morning!"

I did.  I totally thought that. I was serious.

The next morning, I woke and immediately grabbed my phone to see what I missed. Here is where I learned a big, painful lesson.

The thread was gone.

It had been deleted by the person who started it, because ... why not? It was so funny to begin with and why not just remove it?  *poof*

It was perfect and it also pissed me off (while some people actually posted they were pissed off, I played it cool and said nothing - even when feeling pissed off, cause I was so funny in my comments).  I sat there and felt like the last picture of my grandmother had been lost in a fire. Yes, that is ridiculous, but that is how I felt in that moment.

"Impermanence may be heartbreaking, but it’s also kind of awesome! It means that we get to remake the world in every moment." - Steve Bearman

It does seem like such a little thing, but it forced me to think of how all change affects me.  It's one of the ten principles that continues to challenge me and I'm radically resistant. I know why I struggle with it. I hold onto things too tightly. I place value in things, for fear that if the thing is gone, the experience has been erased. I have my own reasons for this, and you have yours. I figure I have fine-tuned this throughout my lifetime, so the change will continue to be slow and steady. "A journey, not a destination" and all that crap.

"Instead of resisting, allow change to unfold and try to understand what’s transforming and why." - Vishnu (go read this whole article and just sit in the middle of it for a good, long while)

1 comment:

Kastor Dioskuri said...

You felt exactly how I know I would feel. It's such a small thing, but it still makes you examine what's important when things you think will stay forever go away.

I remember grieving for a blog that went offline for almost a year on and off. The family was fine, there were no emergencies or anything, the mother just decided that the kids needed more privacy and were too old to be on the internet.

Poof, private, gone.

Intellectually, impermanence is a good theory. It's a hard theory, too.