Comments on welcome to my brain . net: Don't let the sun go down on your RAD

I said something brilliant and it didn't show ...

2009-06-18T07:55:42.503-05:00

I said something brilliant and it didn't show up. Now I have no idea what it was.

H, it was a good six months before we could move t...

2009-06-17T14:51:28.646-05:00

H, it was a good six months before we could move to a level with our kids where they could actually put their feelings into words (and remember - I'm with them all day on most days, so we have moved ahead more quickly than some ... our situation is not average).

What might help you is to get yourself a notebook and write down all of the losses your child has experienced. All of them. When they live in an institutional setting, every time the staff leaves to go home to THEIR family ... that's another loss. When a friend leaves ... another loss. Every move is a loss. How many times did their life change and no one bothered to ask for their input, much less prepare them? Loss, loss, loss.

All of that is trauma. Now think about abuse and neglect. What about things which very well may have happened, but your child has not been able to talk about it yet? I KNOW there are things my kids just cannot share with me yet. I've seen them almost open up, and then catch themselves. I can lay out scenerios - "If such-and-such happened to me, I would probably behave the way you do to protect myself" - and they do not argue or correct me.

You can try to then shut your eyes and imagine what it is like to liver every single moment of every day, wondering when the next loss is going to happen (the key word is "try" - most of us can never truly understand). This drives that crazy need for control. Anytime they feel controlled or they experience the tiniest of changes or there is just a small disagreement or a consequence ... they are flooded with that same helplessness, and they feel the only way to be safe is to take back some sort of control. Most of our kids are stuck in the most basic level of conscience development (like that of a 0-3 year old).

Please feel free to email if I can ever give you ideas on what to say in certain situations. I'm the queen of brainstorming!

christinemoers [at] hotmail [dot] com

Big steps for your radling! Yay for sucesses!!

2009-06-17T13:31:35.471-05:00

Big steps for your radling! Yay for sucesses!!

I really feel like I need a step by step commentar...

2009-06-17T13:29:53.289-05:00

I really feel like I need a step by step commentary. This is SO confusing.

What was the conclusion of the conversation? What fear or big feeling makes a child feel like they need to leave their meds out on purpose, or plug the toilet?

(March-40* weather) "can i wear shorts?"...

2009-06-17T10:35:55.613-05:00

(March-40* weather)
"can i wear shorts?"
no
"can i wear shorts?"
no
"can i wear shorts?"
no
(june-90* weather)
daily sporting jeans, long sleeved shirts with hoodies over them, socks and "kicks" (sneakers)
yesterday was the end-of-the-year Fun Day at school. outdoors. playing kickball,running, jumping and the like. he was so excited about it. yet,left dressed as described above.
control???
OY
christine, you give great day to day living with RAD kids advice that can be put to use immediately and makes me go huh" even after all the books ive read and online research we have all faced.
THANKS. love, The Grammar Whore
ps-my husband's sister lives in Harrah(13 miles east of OKC)we may go visit in Oct. how close are you?????