Comments on welcome to my brain . net: Pa-ching!

I hear you and D on the break thing, it is a hard ...

2010-02-07T18:35:05.604-06:00

I hear you and D on the break thing, it is a hard one. I need one but there is no one to leave the monsters with and Calvin has been all over the map this week, thank God for tag teaming it. If Texas was a driveable distance i so would visit that great park but it is a tad far, maybe one day.

Thanks :-)

2010-02-07T13:49:25.428-06:00

Thanks :-)

On this particular trip, I will be leaving the kid...

2010-02-07T11:17:31.831-06:00

On this particular trip, I will be leaving the kids with my husband, and he planned long ago to be off work. He will actually take them in to work with him that Monday and they'll help around the office.

But this has really been on my heart lately. Respite for RAD seems to be the paper thin out there. I'm thinking of starting a website - a clearing house, of sorts - for those who provide respite. For instance, Lisa has a gal who is three hours away, but is stellar - so totally worth the drive when warranted. I am looking at how I can be available for short-term respite (even if it means me driving an hour for an overnighter so the child is in THEIR home during the scariest part of the day).

I have left my kids once, overnight, with my parents. There was major fallout before, and upon returning (it was when we came to look at this park, so kind of a BIG deal, but NOT okay to let the kids in on it, yet).

It was also a great practice of, "Look at that. You can trust Mom to always make sure you are with safe people. Nothing bad happened, because your Mom knows how to protect her children. You can trust your Mom." DID NOT make the acting out any better, but just added one more little notch on the "I trust Mom" belt.

My husband does not do the therapeutic parenting thing as well as I do. He'll be the first to tell you that. It's mainly because he doesn't have the insane amount of practice I do. :) However, he can totally handle three days. He'll mess up. The kids will mess up. Like my last overnighter away, he will stand before them all at my departure and say, "Mom deserves a break. More than anyone in this house, she deserves some time to herself. You will want to pay her back after it is over. That's fine. Just wanted to let you know that you will also be choosing an extra consequence from me if you do that. She deserves to go, and she deserves to come home without anyone trying to make her feel bad."

Made a HUGE difference when he did that. He repeated it upon my return, as a reminder. We, of course, saw some "stuff," but the reminders really helped the kids keep themselves in check.

Ask your therapist and see if there is someone - maybe an intern or a psych major - who would be willing to do something like that. Perhaps a local foster parent who "gets it." Ideally, when you can let them stay in their own home, it decreases some of the stress. But it's not always possible.

And many times, I have just had to go. Just go and do it. Circumstances are not ideal. I know the kids are going to manipulate and triangulate. And I just have to go ... or else I never would. :(

Need to get crackin' on that web site ... or whatever it will be!

Question for you, girlfriend - who do you leave yo...

2010-02-07T10:54:02.753-06:00

Question for you, girlfriend - who do you leave your little RADlings with when you're away? I have lots of family close by, but they are clueless about RAD. My adroable little one would eat them for lunch and then spit them out and smear them all over the wall if I left him with them for more than just a couple of hours? Same thing with the husband, I'm afraid. He's trying, but he's simply not there yet.

So what's a mom to do who really needs a break, has not been able to leave her kids for more than a few hours at a time, and doesn't see that situation changing any time in the near future. We're both signed up to go to one of Heather Forbe's seminars in April, but are struggling on what to do with our little one even just for that. We'd LOVE to make an overnighter of it - you know, go down the night before and make a little getaway of it (we haven't done that since before we adopted the boys), but thus far, the consequences of doing so have simply not been worth it and really don't have anyone we can trust to leave the kids with that long. Please - enlighten me with ideas!

CAN'T WAIT. CAN'T WAIT. CAN'T WAIT!!!

2010-02-07T09:56:17.300-06:00

CAN'T WAIT. CAN'T WAIT. CAN'T WAIT!!!

Michael's finally got his vacation set up, but...

2010-02-06T21:22:55.905-06:00

Michael's finally got his vacation set up, but it won't be until September. Start counting down the months now. ;) I will be there.

And, stop feeding your Michael beans. ;)